In my previous blog entry, I discussed the fact that the decade of the 2010s was the worst of my life, by far. I also discussed how I had high hopes for the 2020s.
A major part of what I’m leaving behind in the 2010s and looking forward to in the 2020s is the escape from my toxic mental prison that the 2010s are responsible for.
The fact is, the vast majority of problems I mentioned in the previous blog were self-inflicted. I ended up in a toxic mental prison through my own stupid decisions. My inability to walk away from toxic situations rather than being inundated by them has been at the forefront of my problems for as long as I can remember. They have just gotten worse in the past 15 years and especially in the past nine years. That will be changing now.
I am trimming people out of my life at a rate I have never even come close to previously. Rather than letting other people dictate my life to me, I have become proactive in this area. I’m tired of putting myself second and always kowtowing to people who don’t deserve that kind of respect from me. I’m just tired of always feeling like I’m drowning.
I have even fought with myself about things I should have just let go.
I am making a point of removing any woman from my life who had any kind of romantic interest in me because no matter what the future does hold for me, a relationship will not be among them. There is no kind of toxicity worse than a relationship and I know that from every one I have ever been in, or ever considered or wanted. That’s not for me.
Furthermore, I am eliminating people who only have me around for their own selfish gain. This hitch in Facebook jail has shown me who is and is not a real friend. Some friends have reached out to me through other means (text message, Instagram, Twitter) while others have just sat and waited for my return. Others still have unfriended me.
Good riddance for good to that last group. Whoever they are, they need to stay away.
Basically, it’s time to strip away all the people in my life who are not White Sox networking friends, and my inner circle of one. I need to clear not only my life but my conscience as well. I need this for my mental health, my self-esteem and my will to live.
I’m so tired of living on pins and needles, worrying about what is going to befall me day after day. That doesn’t work for me. I’m tired of being upset, stressed and angry and rotating between those emotions. I’m ready to be happy, I think I have earned it.
In 17 days, I get out of Facebook jail and I will begin blocking people who have caused me to feel this toxicity. In 28 days, the calendar turns over to a new decade and it’s time to turn things around. The 2010s did a lot of damage and it’s time to clean up the mess.