Relationships: An Outsider’s Perspective

Posted on April 28, 2018 by Jason J. Connor

whatislove1

As I was visiting with my mom a couple of days ago, she broached a subject I was hoping we would not have to discuss: Relationships. The reason I hate discussing this with her is that I don’t need to be reminded that my taste in women is atrocious and that every time I have been in what would loosely be termed “a relationship,” I passed up a lot of better options to settle for far less than I deserved every single time. I know all of this, and have to live with it, but she feels the need to remind me.

But this discussion was different. It wasn’t about my poor choices and stupid mistakes of the past, it was about the future. And I had not given much thought to the future. I have been living with a day-to-day perspective throughout 2018, and the idea of thinking a day or a week or a month ahead isn’t something I had been doing to any extent.

I have, however, discussed it a bit with my two closest confidants at times.

The last time I was single for an extensive period of time, I had a list of rules to help me weed out the losers from the potential winners. It wasn’t the type of rules that most people think of (specific height, weight, hair color, etc.) but was more guidelines to separate the trash from the treasures, i.e. “must have a job,” “must have a car” and “no crazy ex’s.” The kind of thing a nice, middle-class girl should have.

The problem with that kind of thinking is that I looked past the more obvious points I should have been considering, like “is this someone I can stand being around for more than a couple of hours?” Or, “is this someone I could marry in the future?”

To make matters worse, I not only totally disregarded those obvious questions but threw my guidelines away as well and settled for everything I never wanted.

This time around, I’m smart enough to put everything into perspective.

To put it a little more simply, as I said to one of my confidants a couple of days ago, “I want a woman I can’t live without, not a woman I can’t live with.” Which means I not only want a woman who fits the obvious prerequisites (mutual attraction, mutual interests, etc.) as well as my own personal requirements (the aforementioned job and car, etc.), but also now fits the questions I should have been asking all along.

Obviously, this is going to thin the herd down to pretty much nothing. And I’m OK with that. Because at this point, at 40 years old, I shouldn’t have to settle for anything less than I actually want, and I am perfectly and totally happy as things stand.

So, I sat down again with mom today and said “at this point, given everyone I have met and where everything stands, no, I’ll never be in a relationship again. Granted, that could change tomorrow depending on who I meet, but right now, no.”

If I don’t see a future with someone, I’m not going to waste the present on them. It isn’t fair to me and at my age, I’m ready to either settle down with someone, or settle down alone. And since I am living pretty comfortably right now, I see no reason to change that for someone unless she is going to be a permanent part of my life.

I wish everyone would adopt my philosophy, as a lot fewer bad relationships would result and the dramatics that result from those bad relationships wouldn’t happen. Of course, I realize some people thrive on bad relationships, as a way of getting attention online or from friends. Realize that this isn’t healthy or good for anyone.

I am going forward, alone or not, the wheels will roll. If there’s someone out there that is my “forever,” then eventually I’ll meet her. If not, I’m going to be happy and enjoy my life anyway. I don’t need anyone to completely me, I’m a complete person, as is. But I am not closing the door to anything that may develop down the road.

There is White Sox baseball to watch, fine cigars to be smoked, excellent food and whiskey to be consumed and life to be lived. And that’s what I’m doing. I’m not settling for less than the best in any facet of my life going forward. Ever again.

Peace.

The Best Years Of My Life: A Retrospective

Posted on March 21, 2018 by Jason J. Connor

Metal-Wallpaper

As I reach what could be considered my “mid-life” point (40), I have been taking stock of my life and doing a lot of reminiscing. And the more that I think about it, the more I can say, without hesitation, that three years of my life stand out above all others: 1983, 1995 and 2010. In those years, I turned six, 18 and 33, respectively.

1983

Naturally, 1983 is the most difficult to fully put into perspective, on the basis of the fact that I was six. But, I can clearly remember some aspects of that year. I “graduated” from Kindergarten and started first grade. The most important happening that year took place in the summer, when I discovered He-Man and the Masters Of The Universe. I saw the cartoon on TV and immediately needed to go to the store to find the action figures, which I saw during commercials. I can remember this vividly. Mom and dad took me to a local store and I got the Skeletor figure, though I wanted the He-Man figure, but it was not in stock. In fact, it would be several months before I finally found a He-Man figure. But I would spend the following six years as a fan of the franchise, and now I own the entire series on DVD in a limited-edition, numbered boxed set.

I was also a huge fan of The Lone Ranger and The Dukes Of Hazzard. The Lone Ranger had a momentary resurgence of popularity in the early 1980s due to the release of the film “The Legend Of The Lone Ranger,” released in May, 1981. The release of the film lead to the old 1950’s TV series seeing air again, as well as the release of an animated series, both of which I remember well. I can remember going to the store and getting caps for my cap guns and plastic Lone Rangers masks.

The Dukes were another matter entirely. I was completely obsessed with the Dukes in 1983. I couldn’t wait for Friday nights. And then Saturday mornings, when The Dukes, an animated version of the show, was airing. I had Dukes action figures, posters, cars, play-sets, shirts, pajamas, lunchboxes. You name it, I had it.

I now own a limited-edition boxed set of The Lone Ranger, which was released in 2013 to coincide with the release of “The Lone Ranger,” a Disney film that was a box office bomb, which lead to the boxed set being pulled from shelves sooner than expected. I also own the complete Dukes Of Hazzard series, and films, on DVD.

I got my first bike in 1983, for my birthday. It was, surprisingly enough, a Dukes Of Hazzard bike. The good news was, I had a new bike. The bad news was, I had to ride that bike for the next six years, because I didn’t get another bike until I turned 12, and my Dukes bike was so small it barely held me anymore.

I also got my first “personal” TV in 1983. It was a 13″ color TV with wood-grain housing and no remote, because it had knobs as opposed to buttons. I got years of usage out of that TV, in fact, I still had it in the late 2000s, when I went HD.

Kindergarten was great, I have nothing but good memories of it. First grade, not so much but nothing bad. I would have many betters years in school.

I went on vacation in 1983 with my family and we visited one of mom’s friends who lives in Michigan. She had the coolest electronic gadget: A VCR. I can clearly remember being amazed at the concept of putting a tape in this machine and then watching a movie. With no commercials and to watch at any time, and stop at any time. We got home from vacation and went straight to the Magnavox dealer and bought one.

1995

Naturally, what stands out here is high school graduation and starting to college. I enjoyed high school immensely. At the time, I was happy in all facets of my life. And I was looking forward to getting out of high school and moving on.

My home life was great, my love life was great, my academic life was great. My two obsessions at the time were playing Tecmo Super Bowl on the Nintendo and collecting AC/DC albums on cassette. I had gotten Tecmo a couple of years previously but my playing really hit its peak in 1995. I played seven consecutive seasons with the Cleveland Browns, winning three Super Bowls. And one of my fondest Tecmo memories was an all-night season my friend Joe Nunez and I played, he with the Cleveland Browns and myself with the New Orleans Saints. We still mention it to this day.

I had been collecting AC/DC albums since 1993 but in 1994 Atlantic Records re-released the band’s first 11 albums, digitally remastered. So I kind of had to “start over” to an extent. Then, in September, they released their first new studio album in five years, “Ballbreaker.” I played the cassette completely out in no time.

One of my favorite memories of 1995 was my TV show collections. In June, I started taping Three’s Company every day, as two episodes were shown on TBS every morning. Later that year, in December, I started taping Perry Mason. I watched those tapes until they were so worn out the sound was pretty much gone and the picture was quite snowy. I have replaced both with complete series DVD sets over the years.

I was such a fan of these two shows that I wired my TV through my stereo and recorded the soundtrack from episodes of each show onto cassette to listen to in bed or while I was driving. When I started to college, I would take a cassette with two episodes of Three’s Company on one side and a single episode of Perry Mason on the other.

I LOVED college. It was the happiest era of my life, bar none. Life was constantly in motion and I couldn’t wait to get to each and every day. Couldn’t wait to get up and go to class. Couldn’t wait for class to be over so I could go home and watch that day’s Three’s Company and Perry Mason episodes. Couldn’t wait to play Tecmo Super Bowl after dinner. Couldn’t wait to go to bed and do it all again the next day.

What’s odd is that as soon as 1996 turned over, everything went downhill and 1996 will forever be known as the second-worst year of my life, after 2017. My girlfriend and I split, my best friend at college just up and quit without a word, my parents lost their jobs when the company they worked for closed the plant they worked at.

But 1995 was absolutely exceptional from the beginning to the end.

2010

Wow. What can I say about 2010. I had one obsession in 2010. Girls. All girls, all the time. I had two or three dates every weekend, sometimes two in one night. At times, it might just be a girl coming over to watch TV. Sometimes it was a legit dinner-and-a-movie date. Sometimes it was a straight hook-up. Sometimes it was a platonic dinner. Sometimes it was all of the above. Whatever it was, it was great.

I was made to be single. This is the life I would choose if I had a choice. As Benny Hill said, “why make one woman miserable when you can make so many so happy?” And in 2010, I did my best to make as many women happy as I could.

The only thing that stands out to be in 2010 as far as entertainment goes is that I discovered The Rifleman, and bought a bootleg DVD set on eBay. And yes, I had a girl over to watch a few episodes of the series after it arrived in the mail.

Speaking of bootleg DVDs, I also found a guy selling a set of Marvel Comics animated shows that were produced in the 1960s, based on the actual comic art. These programs are well known among Marvel fans but they have never been released on DVD in the United States, though a European release does exist. So I found a seller who had gotten a hold of the European DVDs and burned them, quite professionally, onto Region 1 DVDs. We negotiated a price and I was thrilled to get those in my collection.

My average 2010 week was spent at work during weekdays and in the pool every evening, blasting AC/DC and watching the sun set behind the house. Then on the weekends it was restaurants, movies, shopping and girls, girls, girls.

The only bad thing about 2010 is the way it ended, the last six weeks of the year were nothing like the first 46, which included a broken ankle and several months spent in a walking boot. But I won’t let that stain the year, overall.

EPILOGUE

I have said on many occasions I would not trade my life for anything or to anyone. I have had the most enjoyable life, with so few exceptions, and the memories are priceless. And 1983 (childhood), 1995 (teenage years) and 2010 (adult years) are the pinnacle of each era of my life. I’m hoping that 2018 will measure up in some way to these three years from my past, and so far, its doing pretty well.

Peace, and God bless.