There are 23 days remaining in 2018, as of the time I write this blog entry.
I want to address my New Year’s Resolutions, and what I hope will be a personal New Year’s Revolution. While 2018 was a good year in many ways, and one of the best I have had in many years, it still came up well short in a number of areas. The way I figure it, 2018 was for licking the wounds of years’ past. In 2019, it’s time for me to take a big step forward.
Here are some of the basic changes I want to make for 2019 and beyond:
I. Get my body back in working order
I know that it’s a common practice for people to plan to get themselves into better shape when each new year rolls around. In my case, it’s more a matter of survival. I’m 41 years old and I’m around 60 pounds overweight, maybe as much as 80 pounds. I certainly can’t continue on the path I am on. Most of this weight is due to seven years of overeating due to an insane amount of stress and unhappiness that I didn’t have enough sense to walk away from. In December 2017, that became a moot point, and I was free of the chains that bound me. Now, I have a chance to right that wrong and put my overweight, broken-down body back together.
II. Get my mind back in working order
This could easily cover two resolutions. First, I want to do what I should have done in 2018 but didn’t due to the fact that I didn’t know what was happening in my life for the first several months of the year. I was going through a period of trying to “re-establish” myself, so to speak, trying to put my life back together after seven years of abject misery. Rebuilding friendships that had been lost during that time, and gaining new friends. But I didn’t take enough time for myself, as I tried to navigate through a world I was unfamiliar with after being basically a “hostage” from late 2010 through late 2017. I had a hard time getting my “sea legs” under me.
Second, I want to start learning again. The only lesson I learned during the “Dark Ages” (2010 to 2017) is that being around the wrong people really can cause a legitimate level of brain rot. I didn’t pursue my passions because they were frowned upon by people who opinions should have never mattered because they weren’t worth anything to me anyway.
I have a thirst for knowledge, and in 2018 I started studying some of my favorite subjects again, from mathematics to physics to anthropology to engineering to astronomy. I want to expand that exponentially in 2019, and soak up as much knowledge as my brain will hold.
III. Learn to leave the past in the past, and concentrate on the future
This is a BIG one, and I’m not just talking about the unhappy parts of my life, either, few as they may be. One of my problems is that I spent way too much time sitting around reminiscing about 1982 or 1995 or 2002 or 2010 instead of focusing on the time at hand. This is a mistake I have made all my life. I long for happier days, instead of making the present day happier. In high school I longed for my childhood. In the early 2000s I longed for my high school days. In the late 2000s I was yearning for the early 2000s. In the Dark Ages I was dreaming about any time that wasn’t then. To this day, I still find myself reminiscing about happier times.
I also spend too much time lamenting the evils that were done to me, and the unhappy days (especially the past half-dozen years). Those times are over, and beating myself up over not making changes before they were thrust on me doesn’t make it any better or change anything in any way. Life has gone on. I have to leave the good and the bad behind me.
This has lead to some painful moments. When I lost my son, I found I couldn’t do ANYTHING that we used to do together, I couldn’t watch any of the shows we watched together or play any of the games. Therefore, I had to get rid of my entire Ghostbusters and DC Comics collections, because it was just to painful to have to look at them anymore. So I replaced them. Where my DC Comics shows and games used to sit, I now have a Star Trek collection that I am extremely proud of. Where my Ghostbusters games and shows and movies were once stored, I have filled that section of my media collection with some of my all-time favorite Westerns.
IV. Clean up the trash in my life and put it where it belongs
I took great pains in 2018 to remove any mention of certain people from my social networking, as well as deleting and/or burning pictures, text messages, emails, etc. While I haven’t been 100% successful, it’s an ongoing process and will eventually be completed. As I have brought new friends into my circle, I realized that not all of them are on an acceptable level, and some cleaning will need to be done. Two years ago, at this time, I had 162 Facebook friends and around 200 Twitter followers and I didn’t even have an Instagram account. As of now, I have over 1,100 Facebook friends, nearly 1,300 Twitter and 600 Instagram followers.
While I managed to clean out the gutter trash, there is still some sidewalk trash that needs to be swept up and thrown away. I have an excellent and well-earned reputation and I intend on keeping it, which means eliminating the riffraff from my life. Permanently.
V. Try to forgive, but never forget
This will be the most difficult resolution, because I have to train my mind to forget, and anyone who knows me well knows I have a mind like a steel trap, once something goes in, it doesn’t come out. I absolutely HAVE to let go of the anger and hatred I have toward my son’s worthless, ugly, gutter-trash, hood rat of a mother and his equally-worthless, lying, gutter-trash half-sister. As much as hatred fuels my very existence, I cannot continue to live on hate for the rest of my life. I have to let it go, and put it in the hands of the Almighty, as Romans 12:19 says, “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but give place unto wrath; for it is written: Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord.” I have complete and total faith that justice will be served.
But to forget is another issue entirely. I will never, NEVER, forget. Ever.
VI. The UCLA Conundrum
This will make no sense to anyone who reads this without some explanation.
And frankly, I don’t want to dive too deeply into it. I’ll simply say this: In 2019, I want to make a decision once and for all as to whether I am going to get NCAA Football 14, NCAA Basketball 10 and MVP NCAA Baseball 07 out of my attic and play a full career as a three sport student-athlete at UCLA. This project has been done twice before, once in the late 1990s and once in 2004. I have wanted to do it again in the 14 years since, but have never had a better opportunity.
The problem lies in the fact that I’m 41 years old and I haven’t watched a single college sporting event since the West Virginia vs. Marshall football game in 2012. I’m not only out of the loop, I’m not even in the same area code. And I don’t know if the desire is even still there. It may be time to put my UCLA project out to pasture. I’ll know better around April of 2019, because if I do decide to go through with the project one last time, I’ll want to start in August 2019.
VII. Decide once and for all if I want to be a single man for life
I have debated with myself on every side of this issue. Yes, I want to get married and have a family. I think. The fact remains the best thing that ever happened to me is the fact that I have never been married, because if any of the three options I have had in my life to get married had ever come to pass, I would have put a rope around my neck a long time ago.
My marriage options over the past 15 years have consisted of an ungodly ugly woman who lived 3 ½ hours away from me and used to email engagement ring photos to me (there was a 0% chance of that happening), followed by a morbidly obese, hateful, old woman who is in her 50s today (there was a 0% chance of that happening), followed by an ugly, worthless skank who pushed marriage to the breaking point (there was a 0% chance of that happening).
So, my experiences with marriage are not good. Luckily I’ve never been married.
Do I want to? Or do I want to just continue as a happily single man? I don’t know.
But as 2019 progresses, I intend to find out. And I mean that, once and for all.
VIII. Maintain this list, not just for 2019, but for the rest of my life
I don’t want to sit down here one year from now and have to think about the same things I’m thinking about now. I want to be past that. Once I have climbed the mountains before me, I want to move on to other mountains and climb those as well. And more after that.
I wouldn’t trade my life to anyone for anything. I would change a few things if I could (i.e. I would have my son and have no memory of his mother and I would be 80 pounds lighter and a lot more sure of myself) but I’ll take what I have been blessed with. I just want to take better advantage of the gifts I was born with. I will not deal in the slums anymore. I will not waste my days reminiscing or lamenting about past happenings. I’ll make the most of what I have.
IX. Get back into video gaming again
I haven’t gamed regularly in years. In my younger days, I played daily, whether it was Tecmo Super Bowl or Super Mario Bros. 3 or something entirely different. I have neglected my gaming over the past decade or so. I had made a good turnaround after buying my son a PlayStation 4 and several games he enjoyed for his PlayStation 3, including Ghostbusters and Batman/DC Comics games. Now I want to get back into retro gaming. I have a Retron 5 console that plays NES, Super NES, Sega Genesis, Nintendo Game Boy, Game Boy Color and Game Boy Advance games. I also still enjoy titles from all four PlayStation consoles, and I have a backward-compatible PlayStation 3 that plays PSOne, PS2 and PS3 titles. And a PS4.
I purchased a number of well-known Western games, from The Lone Ranger for the NES to Gun for the PS2, Call Of Juarez for the PS3 and the entire Red Dead series. I also bought as many Star Trek titles as I could find, from the NES to the PlayStation 3. And, of course, I used to make a habit of playing Grand Theft Auto III every October/November years ago.
In closing, I would like to thank you for taking the time to read and know that I am absolutely convinced that 2019 will be the best year of my life, so far. There will be good times upcoming, and there will be bad times, but as long as the good outnumber the bad, I’ll not complain. My life as a whole has been far, far more good than bad. The last decade? Not so much. But I will do whatever it takes to make 2019 the most successful year of this millennium for me.