Letting Go Of The Illusions Of The Past…

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Anyone who knows me has no doubt become annoyed at one time or another as I have reminisced on the happiness I had in 1995. It was truly an amazing year. For Easter, my girlfriend at the time presented me with the love of my life, my tabby cat, Bubbles, who passed away in 2013. I graduated from high school and started to college. I reintroduced myself to some of the classic TV programs I had enjoyed in my youth (particularly Three’s Company and Perry Mason).

I also began my lifelong love of sports simulation video gaming. Something that didn’t exist at the time but that like-minded people helped to bring to fruition in the following years. I also began my love of UCLA athletics. This actually started when I picked the Bruins to win the 1995 men’s basketball tournament in the pool at school, and they did, the first time in my life a team that I followed one any kind of championship. The UCLA baseball team would follow suit in 2013.

But when you brush away all the fluff, 1995 wasn’t the best year ever. By a long shot. There were still a multitude of annoyances. A relationship I was quickly growing tired of, that engulfed all my spare time and left me with little opportunity to enjoy any of my growing pursuits.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, since next year will mark 25 years since my most “incredible” year. And today I realized, I have had at least three better years than 1995; the earliest being 1982, followed by 2010, and amazingly, 2019, which may be the best year of all.

I started Kindergarten in 1982. My obsessions at that time were the Lone Ranger and the Dukes Of Hazzard. I would soon be introduced to Masters Of The Universe. It was a great time to be a kid. And I remember few moments of unhappiness. My uncle committed suicide that year, but at five years old, who has a grasp on the concept of death? I do remember sitting on his front porch, trying to play his fiddle as I saw the musicians do on Hee Haw every Saturday night.

My family took our first vacation in 1982, to New Mexico and the surrounding area. I remember it, but not clearly. Obviously there were more important things going on then.

To compare 1995 and 1982 is a bit like comparing apples and oranges, but taken in the right context, there really is no comparison for me. No doubt, 1982 was the better year.

The same applies to 2010. I had become a single man in November 2009 after a rather annoying three-and-a-half year relationship that was ill-conceived and ill-advised. I would spend a full year single, 375 days to be exact, minus a six-week period where I was in a “Facebook official” relationship that was anything but real. I had an amazing time and really started to grasp what it meant to live. I had good years prior to that (2000-04 were absolutely incredible and maybe equal to 2010, but included more minor aggravations) but 2010 was the closest thing to perfect.

Until now.

Today I elected to take stock of things and I realized that this is, without question, the golden year of my life. I should be happy beyond description. I have everything I could possibly ever want. In 1982, I had a 19” tabletop TV, a ColecoVision video game console and a small, handheld cassette player with three blank cassettes. The VCR hadn’t made it’s way into my world yet.

In 1995, things had expanded dramatically. I had a 25” TV, VCR, Nintendo Entertainment System, a 200-watt stereo with dual cassette deck and a Sony Walkman plugged into the auxiliary jack. I was videotaping Three’s Company and Perry Mason from TV and watching them at my leisure. At that time, it felt like I had it all and I had no idea what the future would bring.

Now it’s 2019. I have a 55” Samsung Smart TV, a DVD recorder, a PlayStation 3 and 4, a Retron 5 (which plays a multitude of old video game cartridges), a 400-watt stereo with a 5-CD changer, an incredible PC I built myself, a Samsung Galaxy S8, more DVDs and CDs than I could ever watch or listen to for the rest of my life, and enough money to have anything I want.

Even though that’s the case, I still find myself dreaming back to 1995. And I can’t stand it. The problem with me is, when I’m unhappy, I try to wish myself away to happier times. But when I’m in happy times, I do the same thing. I can remember back in 1995 reminiscing about happier days, 1982 and 1985 and 1989. Then by the time I got to the early 2000s, I was pissing that time away wishing back to 1995. And here I am, in my happiest period, still wishing the same.

In 1995, I didn’t have the luxury of pulling up any TV show in the world and watching it at any time I wanted, only the ones I had managed to tape from TV and even then, I had to wait to tape them day by day, because the concept of just buying a season or complete series of a TV show was non-existent. Cell phone? Nope. And the concept of a smart phone wasn’t even close. Back then I was at the mercy of whatever baseball game happened to be on at the time. Now I just turn on the MLB app on my Smart TV and watch the White Sox game when it’s on.

This is, literally, my time. Everything is in front of me. As happy as I have been in the past, in 2010 or 2002 or 1995 or 1989 or 1982, this should be putting all of those years past to shame. But I keep trying to sabotage myself, either through constant reminiscing of year’s past or trying to do stupid things to wreck the current wavelength I am living on, like introducing women into the fold. No woman has ever brought anything but misery and unhappiness into my life, yet I kept remaining open to allowing more and more of them into my life. Why I keep doing this is beyond my comprehension.

Some have said it’s just a part of my life that’s missing. I disagree. From 1996 to 2005, I was single. I spent nine glorious years as a single man. And that’s what 1982, 2010 and 2019 all have in common, there is no woman taking over my life and making it unhappy and dramatic and boring and miserable. That’s how 2010 came to a grinding halt, I allowed a bottom-of-the-trash-can greaseball to come into the picture and it was almost instant misery for the seven years that followed.

So why would I be stupid enough to even consider allowing that to happen again?

I am NOT a good fit for relationships. For one thing, I am extremely selfish and protective of my time. I have things I want to do and one of those things is watching White Sox baseball, a privilege for which I pay money. If I am doing so, that is going to take precedence over other less-important things, like whatever some girl wants to do. I also enjoy spending my money on me for a change, so I have spoiled myself to the ultimate degree. Not just the smartphone and stereo and TV and game consoles and DVDs but all the other little purchases that make my day seem a little happier.

And then I realized just how much women can negatively affect my life, as this past Friday I allowed a female to corrupt my schedule, missing Friday night’s White Sox game to watch a movie. It took me three days to get myself back into my groove, and to what end? What was the point of spending my Friday night doing anything other than what I want to spend my Friday night doing?

Now, understand, I’m not saying I am 100% anti-woman, if I ever met a woman who enjoyed baseball and video games and Star Trek who cooks like Nigella Lawson and is built like Raine Michaels I might give it a go. But until that time, why should I sell myself on millimeter short?

I have taken great pains in the past week or so to detach myself from anyone who brings anything but happiness into my life. This has included pretty much every local single woman in my area. Whether they had an interest in me or not (not in 96% of the cases) didn’t matter. I needed to build a wall and they needed to be on the other side of it. I have changed my Facebook settings so I am almost unreachable unless you are a Facebook friend or you know my cell phone number.

And even those who I know had it are finding themselves blocked and unable to use it.

I just can’t let this time period be corrupted. This is MY time. This is my golden hour. This is the point in time that my whole life has been focused on. When all the parts come together and make a complete picture, this is it. I will not do anything to ruin it, and that includes spending it reminiscing about times in the past that don’t hold a candle to what I have right here in front of me.

From this day forward, and maybe through the end of my life, it’s all about me. I cannot have it any other way. I nearly ruined my life a number of times, and I managed to extricate myself from those dilemmas and reach the point I am at now. And I am going to make the most of every second. Everyone deserves to be happy. And now, finally, it is my turn. It’s all about me.

Thank you for taking the time to read. Peace.

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Rebooting My Life In 2019

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OK, I’m going to give this another try. Hopefully the third time is the charm. I didn’t think changing my life would make such waves. But I have taken a voluminous amount of flak over my previous two posts, which I have removed to replace with this one.

The point I was attempting to make was that it was time to reboot my life, due to nearly 15 years of poor decisions that had left me in really poor shape physically and emotionally. At the top of my “poor decisions” list is the relationships I have subjected myself to, and I pointed out that I was desirous of not making any further of those mistakes.

I went on to point out the fact that I have gone to great lengths to cut myself off from local single women, from blocking them on Facebook to only going out at times that I am unlikely to run into any women who may be on the prowl. Simple self-preservation.

In addition, I had a lot of negative things to say about relationships in general and local women, specifically. This drew the most fire. I did not say every local woman was a harlot and I did not say every relationship was a waste of time, but it seems that everyone took it to mean that, so I am clearing that up now, that is not what I said. At all.

What I was trying to say was that I had made poor decisions as it came to women in the past, 100% of the time since 2006. This applies only to me and it is a simple matter of fact. I also was trying to push the point that it is in my best interest to avoid relationships, specifically with the kind of bottom-rung garbage that I have frequented in the past which has lead me to where I am today. This seems like common sense.

Now, let me try to expand on my situation again and hopefully this time it will make more sense and be less controversial since I have stripped it down to it’s base parts.

As I look at my life and compare it to, say, 2010, the only thing that has improved is my financial situation, because I’m not wasting every paycheck on worthless women. Everything else about my life has moved in a negative direction. And the vast majority of this is due to women I have been involved with during the last eight years. This is fact.

Right now I am probably a good 80 pounds overweight. This is from stress eating. This can’t be argued. That extra weight is taking its toll on my back and knees. I am also extremely self-conscious about the fact that extra weight takes length away from my member, due to the amount of fat that is now hovering over it. That is completely unacceptable.

Another issue that plagues me is my inability to let go of anger I have carried for over a year due to situations outside of my control that were perpetrated by an ugly, good-for-nothing ogre and her lying, bastard kid. I have done everything I can to let go of this anger, short of pounding myself in the head and hoping to suffer from self-induced amnesia. Carrying this anger isn’t doing me any favors, and the fact that I have let this consume me just makes me that much angrier. It’s a vicious circle I can’t seem to work myself out of.

Something else that has bothered me is the fact that I have let my mind stagnate for so long. I have a thirst for knowledge and learning and I simply buried it in order to watch stupid TV shows and go to stupid places with stupid people for almost a dozen years. I recently started on Stephen Hawking’s “Brief Answers To The Big Questions” and I have never enjoyed anything more. Now, don’t get me wrong, I also loved watching less-intellectual fare with my son, because any time spent with him was enjoyable regardless, but his mother was more interested in Game Of Thrones or Sons Of Anarchy than anything of an intellectual pursuit. So, for seven years, I didn’t get to pursue any of my passions.

The upshot of all of this is that I need to better myself. Am I saying I am completely done with women for life? No. But I am done with the kind of filth I have dealt with in the past. If I meet a woman someday who likes baseball and science and heavy metal music and steaks and sex and Star Trek then I would be a fool to walk away.

But it’s also a pretty solid bet that such a woman does not exist.

So, in lieu of finding a girl to spend time with, I am going to spend my time improving myself, and clearly I am badly in need of it. Dieting, exercising, getting enough sleep, studying everything from astrophysics to paleontology to mathematics, watching as much baseball as I can, smoking the finest cigars, catching up on all the shows and books and movies I neglected over all those years. I just want to live as myself again.

It’s amazing to look back at myself in 2005, before I started getting stupid and making ridiculous decisions again, and see how I have changed. At that point, my obsessions were baseball and professional wrestling. I haven’t watched a professional wrestling event since then. My obsessions with history and some of my favorite TV shows have faded to the point that I don’t even think about them anymore. I don’t want that to happen with my current state of mind and my enjoyments. I want to be happy and enjoy myself.

The one thing most people don’t even consider when getting angry at my point of view is that maybe, once I have myself in a better place, I’ll be a better option for women who may be available at that time, if any. Yes, I have admitted I am 41 years old (42 in just over a month) and the dating pool is not only shallow but rancid and poisonous. This is another point that has angered people but the fact of the matter is, it’s true.

Wouldn’t most women want a well-read boyfriend who is intellectually stimulating and is in shape physically and mentally? Right now, that is not me in any way.

So, now I am ready to reboot myself. I have taken so many steps to make this successful. In addition to cutting myself off from local women, I have also made a point of scheduling time for learning and time for baseball and time for video games, which I have also neglected badly over the past 15 years. My dream has been to play a full franchise mode season (or more than one) on MLB The Show, and I have failed 100% of the time.

Most years, that was not my fault. If I fail this year, that’s on me. No one else.

For the first time in at least 15 years, and maybe ever, my future is in my hands. It is all on me. I have no one else to blame for my failures, if it comes to that. I just want to forget the past 15 years (other than time with my son I will treasure forever) but the rest of that era needs to be forgotten, specifically the issues of 2017 that I can’t let go of. But I have to because if I don’t, it’s going to destroy me. And I need the brain space for my future studies, I don’t need to be clogging up mental capacity with angered thoughts.

I just want to be happy. And this is, literally, my only path to success. In a year, or two, or ten, I’ll re-evaluate my situation. If I meet a girl during my re-evaluation, that’s great, I’ll know it was destined to happen. If I don’t, I’ll know that was destined also. I don’t need a woman to be happy, though I would enjoy, just once, being in a happy relationship with no lying and cheating and hatred, because I have never gotten to experience that.

In closing, I want to remind you that life is short, and if you’re not doing what you want to do, you need to do something to change that situation. Don’t waste your time doing things that you don’t want to do, or with people you don’t want to be around. Life is too short for that. I have literally wasted close to 40% of the time I have been alive doing things I didn’t want to do with people I didn’t want to do things with in the first place. That is not only unacceptable, it’s terrible. I just want to be happy. And this reboot will do it.

Peace.

My Final Thoughts On Relationships

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I had hoped I would never have to delve into this subject matter again as long as I lived, yet due to abject stupidity beyond my wildest imagination that I see daily on social media, as well as my own decisions that have rarely made any sense, it’s time to take another look…

… at relationships.

This is sure to “trigger” people who may be in a happy relationship or marriage, or what they feel passes for “happy,” so understand, this is my own thoughts on my own experiences. I’m sure everyone’s experience is different and if yours was good, I think that’s great.

Mine have been nothing but garbage.

Admittedly, a lot of this has been my own fault. I have an amazing knack for finding the wrong woman consistently, whether she’s too far away (I don’t do long distance) or she’s too old or she’s still emotionally attached to an ex or she’s just bottom-of-the-barrel filth, I always manage to find the kind of women that are guaranteed to be an issue as time goes on.

But this isn’t just me. I see it daily. I see people rushing into marriages even though it’s obvious they shouldn’t be together in the first place. I see people staying in relationships or marriages they shouldn’t be in. And then I see people who are single and want nothing more than to be with someone in a relationship or marriage. And it all drives me absolutely crazy.

Let me first address the idiots that rush into marriage.

How stupid are you? Many years ago, my philosophy was you should know someone for at least a year before you marry them. This should give you a good cross-section of their lives in various circumstances. I now realize I stand corrected, I don’t think spending a decade with a woman would tell me everything I need to know, and most of that is my fault due to the fact that I seem so dense. But I can tell you this much: I never have been married, and I never will be. There is no way on this earth I would ever do something that I know is going to end disastrously. It would be like asking someone to drop a bowling ball on my head from three stories above, how can there be anything but a negative experience in that? I would take the bowling ball dropped on my cranium over getting married, though.

I am seeing people on social networking marrying after mere months of dating. Really? You really think that’s a good idea? You don’t see any way that this plan may backfire?

Next, let me address people who stay in marriages or relationships they shouldn’t be in. Because this is really the story of my life and one I am very well equipped to discuss.

If you are in an unhappy marriage or relationship, for the love of God, get out of it as quickly as possible. I’ve been in many, and in a few, it’s felt like I was being held prisoner or that I was drowning 24 hours a day. It was truly the worst experience of my life. But I see these idiots out there daily going through as much, if not more, misery than I did and they just stay there. They just sit there as the world burns up around them, thinking something will change.

Well, I got news for you. It’s not going to. It’s going to get worse before it gets better and chances are it will never get better. And if you are smart enough to end things, don’t turn around and go back. That doesn’t work. I don’t care what the circumstances were and I don’t care how either of you feel, that idea is 100% guaranteed to fail. Use a little common sense.

I have watched idiots get into unhappy relationships, break up, reconcile for a short period, break up again, do this over and over and then get married! And guess what? It doesn’t work out. If you can’t deal with someone you’re dating, why on earth would you marry them?

Now let me address the single folks who think they want to chain themselves to another person and spend, potentially, the rest of their lives in what basically amounts to indentured servitude.

Think about your life as a single person and then think about your life as it has been in the past when you were in a relationship or marriage. While you may feel a little lonely at times, do you miss the anger, resentment, arguments, fighting, negotiating and sacrifices you made for no other reason than just to say you were “with” someone and do things together?

Are you really incapable of doing things on your own?

I have known men, and I mean this in the most literal sense, who have married women they didn’t even like just to get out of having to do laundry and dishes. This is not an exaggeration. This is a fact. Now, you have to think about a marriage like this, in which the man clearly states that he does not love with woman he is with, but he just doesn’t want to be alone and he doesn’t want to have to do those household chores. Am I the only one who sees an issue with this?

I know everyone has to do whatever makes them happy, but from what I have read while scrolling through Facebook, there are a lot of people out there who are very unhappy.

I can say in all honesty the happiest times of my life were the times I have been single. And it’s not even close. If you put my happiness on a scale of 1-10, time that has been spent single would be a definite 10. I love my life, and I’ve loved it from my earliest memories. With the exceptions of any times I have been in a relationship or something resembling one. Those times would be lucky to rate a two on that scale. Again, I’m not exaggerating. I have known misery.

I have talked to close friends about how to verbalize this, and the only thing I can say is that there is absolutely NO WAY I would EVER even CONSIDER getting involved with anyone again under ANY circumstances. I think that hits about as close to home as I can possibly get. There’s no wiggle room in this. There’s no “well, maybe if…” scenario here. It doesn’t matter if I live in West Virginia, Illinois, Arizona, France, the moon or Mars, I would not get into a relationship again for any reason. I would literally choose death. I can’t stress that enough. NO WAY.

Again, this is strictly my own feelings on the subject. I get that some people have different experiences and I’m happy for them. They are a silent group. The ones who are miserable are the ones who are so much more vocal. It’s a shame its not the other way around.

If you’re happy and you’ve found the love of your life, that’s great. If you have found the only idiot that will have anything to do with you and you spend all your time on Facebook complaining and posting overly-dramatic status updates, find something better to do. And if you’re single and all you do is whine about being alone, you need to count your blessings and knock off the nonsense. You have it better than you realize and you need to accept that. Before it’s too late.

As I said in my opening, I hoped I would never have to address relationships or marriage again as long as I live, and after this post, I will never touch this subject matter again. Life has so much to offer me that the idea of tying it up in someone else’s life just makes NO sense to me and never has; in spite of the stupid decisions I have made in the past. I’m not changing for anyone. I’m not adjusting for anyone. I’m not making room for anyone. I’m living my best life and I’ll be damned if I’m going to end up like these idiots I see daily on social media whining and complaining. Life is too short to waste one day of it being miserable. Take it from me. I’ve been there.

Relationships are a hell unlike any other and I’m sure marriages are even worse. I’ll never know, but from the information I have gathered from those who are vocal about it, I can’t even begin to imagine how miserable it must be to be married. Of course, as I have discovered on Facebook, some people can just walk away from their marriage like it’s no big deal. I don’t know how that works or if people don’t realize they have some court sessions in their future.

In closing, let me reiterate the fact that there is absolutely no way I will ever become involved with anyone again as long as I live. If a gun were held to my head and I was given the choice of a relationship or death, I’m going to take death 100% of the time. The coldness of the grave has to be more inviting than the idea of ever being in a relationship or marriage. That just seems to me to be with worst of all possible worlds. And one I will have no part of, in any way.

Peace.

The Negative Effect Of Social Networking On Straight Men

As I look over social networking on a daily basis, whether it’s to post Chicago White Sox baseball stories for discussion among my friends, pictures or videos of bikini girls or the best memes I can find, I am consistently surprised at some of the things I see posted by local men who are, supposedly, straight.

Some examples:


Seriously.

A decade ago, this kind of garbage would have been publicly posted only by teenage girls who were upset that their high school crush wasn’t interested or maybe by a complete and total nerd who didn’t know any better.

Now grown, adult men who are supposedly straight post this kind of thing.

Is it subterfuge to try to get women to think they are romantic or have some special feelings that most men don’t have? Because I’ll openly admit I’m just about as romantic as a coconut. So, if this is someway to try to buck the system, I get it. But I can’t respect it. What’s next, selfies in a miniskirt?

If you’re a man, act like a man. Not a teenage girl.

If you’re trying to get a girl’s attention, that’s not the way to do it. I imagine that any woman who sees that is going to think you’re pathetic.

And you know what? You are. No man is out looking for a soulmate. That’s fucking ridiculous, even putting aside the point that I don’t believe in such childish balderdash to begin with. Any woman who gets with a man like this probably will have to paint his toenails and listen to him cry when he gets home from work every night sitting on the couch having a glass of wine.

Pathetic.

Be a man. Watch a porno or read Playboy or Penthouse and post some dirty memes or tell a dirty joke and smoke a cigar and have a beer or a shot of whiskey. Or do you seriously not realize how ridiculous you look?

Like I said, if you’re a man, act like it. If you’re an emotional, heartbroken little powder-puff, you end up looking a lot more like this than a man:

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Peace.

My 2019 Thoughts On Relationships… and why they are far more trouble than they’re worth…

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I was doing some basic reading online this evening and came across a few relationship articles, and I realized that there is a real dearth of articles about relationships written from the male point of view. This bothers me. I’m not sure if there’s a lack of men qualified to discuss this topic or if most men just don’t care.

One of the few articles I found basically said “just do whatever you have to in order to keep your girlfriend/fiance/wife happy. If spending a lot of time with your friends or working on your car annoys her, then stop it. This isn’t rocket science.”

I cannot even begin to express the rage that ran through my body at the point I read and allowed my mind to comprehend the advice that was being offered.

In other words, just sit down, shut your mouth and do what you’re told. And I’m sure a lot of women would be in 100% agreement with this process of thought.

And this is exactly why relationships don’t work in the modern era. They are far too one-sided. I have been a sad witness to many guys who basically had no freedom as human beings to do anything, more or less they were just there to do as they were told, make the money, pay the bills, hand out cash and shut up.

Allow me to correct this injustice by laying out my own set of relationship rules, and these are from the man’s perspective, not just because there is an extreme lack of male relationship advice, but because, well, I’m a man and that’s just how it is.

I’m going to start at the beginning with this piece, and the beginning is deciding if you want to be in a relationship in the first place. While it seems like I am dumbing it down a bit, it’s amazing how many bad situations could be avoided at this first step.

In a “which came first, the chicken or the egg” type conundrum, ask yourself if you met someone special and realized you could see yourself in a relationship with her, or if you want to be in a relationship and latched onto a girl because of that mindset. There is a lot of pressure to be “with” someone these days, and some simple thought could keep you from getting into a situation that you’re going to want to get out of.

If it is a case of “I met someone and she’s great and I see a future here,” ask yourself what you see in that future. A long-term relationship? A one-night stand? A single date that is completely platonic? Could you see yourself someday marrying this girl?

If you see yourself doing more than just banging her and releasing her back into the wild, you then need to take stock of your situation. Women today, from seeing what has happened to some of these poor guys, have an outrageous expectation for you to be living together as quickly as possible. My assumption on this is so they are not having to pay their own way through life. They’re now only responsible for paying for half of life’s expenditures, or in some cases, sadly, you’ll take on the full amount.

At this point, decide if you’re willing to completely abandon the life you had before because, buddy, it’s over. Once a woman pulls you into her home or moves into yours, the rules have changed. Because now, it’s serious. Maybe you enjoy watching the ball game, but if she doesn’t, you have an argument on your hands. Maybe you want to work on your car or go fishing or just lay on the couch and vegetate. If she has other plans, then you better be ready to change yours. Or you better be ready for battle.

Now, I do need to acknowledge that there are different kinds of men. Some men can’t function without a woman. I’ve known guys like this. These are guys who don’t want to wash dishes or vacuum or do laundry so they figure they’ll just marry or move some broad in to do the “woman’s work” and however much suffering they have to do, it’s worth it in the end because they don’t have to do a few trivial chores around the house.

Then, there are guys who are FIERCELY independent. They don’t need anybody for anything. They don’t need anyone to pump their gas, pack their lunch, cook their food, wash their clothes or anything else. They are fully capable of doing anything that needs to be done and don’t need a woman to tell them how to do it differently.

That is the camp to which I belong.

Naturally, there are a lot of guys who fall into areas in between. And that’s why you have to figure out who you are and what you want out of life, and with whom.  My independence will make being in a relationship incredibly difficult in the event that I ever decide to make an attempt at doing so again.  That’s just how life shakes out.

Now, let’s say you met a girl, you see a long-term future with her and you’re the kind of guy who really sees a relationship as a 50/50 proposition. Where do you go now?

The first thing is to lay down some ground rules. Lay it on the line and explain that you are not giving up your hobbies or making some drastic change in your lifestyle. I’m not saying be an asshole and institute a “my way or the highway” mentality, but if, for instance, you enjoy fishing, explain that you will continue to go fishing and this is non-negotiable. If you have a set time for it, i.e. Sunday morning, you will continue to go fishing on Sunday morning. She can sleep in or find her own hobby. No arguing about it.

A lot of women will take this opportunity to flex their muscle and try to start changing things. And a lot of guys will back down and just let them have their wayt, and it does nothing but make things worse overall down the line. Period.

Let me now back up and take a different path in this journey. What if you’re not 100% sure you see a future with someone? Then you need to put the brakes on and not let the situation get away from you. You could end up engaged or married before you realize what hit you. You can know you’re in a bad predicament with the wrong person and it can still just snowball until you’re neck deep and you feel like there’s no way out.

Going back even further than that, do your homework. Find out who this woman is that you’re interested in. See what kind of reputation she has. People are all too willing to gossip, and you can use that to your advantage to pick up on things people may not be likely to tell you, since most people don’t want to get involved when they see someone walking into a death trap. But they do love to run their mouths about things.

From that point, for the love of God, don’t sell yourself short. A good, clean, middle-class guy should find a good, clean, middle-class girl. Don’t blow off the nice girls and go straight for the gutter trash. There is no way that will work out.  Leave the trash can whores for the guys who are cooking up meth and taking selfies at the bar.

That’s where doing your homework comes in. If a girl is trash, tell her to hit the bricks. Do you want the other guys laughing at you? You want the reputation as the guy who married the neighborhood prostitute? This ain’t “Pretty Woman,” this is real life. Don’t be stupid enough to ruin your life and reputation over a woman with a bad social or sexual past. It’s not worth it, on any level. You’ll be miserable and the butt of a lot of jokes.

Now, as far as meeting a great girl and wanting to spend time with her and wanting to marry her and be with her for the rest of your life, I can’t really give any advice from that area, because I’ve never experienced that. And at my age (41), I am more than willing to accept, maybe even anxious to accept, that my ship sailed a long time ago. But that is my own personal failure, and anyone who may happen to read this will have had a completely different set of circumstances in their life, and they can adjust accordingly.

The upshot of all of this is that you need to figure out who YOU are and then decide if there’s room for anyone else in your life. If you’re open to relationships, that’s great, but you need to be VERY discriminating when deciding if a girl is right for you.

Understand, I am NOT anti-relationship. But in looking at the situation from a personal standpoint, I am just a lot happier as a single man.  Part of that has to do with my poor decision-making skills when it comes to choosing women, and part of it comes from not wanting to waste my time.  I know what I like and what I like to do.  So unless a girl comes along that fits into a very specific spot in my life, I’m not interested.  But I don’t want my personal decisions to keep anyone from making their own.

In closing, thank you for reading and if the advice of an old man helps anyone out there from making any life-altering mistakes, I’ll consider that a victory. Life is good, and despite being battle-worn, I’m happy. And I want to pass that happiness along to a new generation, and hopefully those lessons will stick for someone, somewhere.

God bless.

“The List, Version 2.0”

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Back in 2010, I crafted what became known as “The List.” It was a simple collection of ten or so rules I put in place in case I would ever consider getting into a relationship. The rules seemed common-sense to me (“must have a car” and “must have a job”) but some met with quite a bit of negative feedback (“must not have kids”). At that time, I made no attempt to explain my rules, unless I was pressed into doing so.


Even though I have removed myself completely from the dating scene until at least August of 2019, I am going to create a new “List.” I’m sure it will be very similar to the previous version, which has been lost over time, but I feel like now is a good time to do it, since I am clear-headed and have 11 months to make it into “law.”

So, I present to you, The List, Version 2.0:


RULE 1 – MUST BE SINGLE

This may seem a little over-obvious until you understand what I have dealt with. I’ll give a perfect example. In 2006, I met a girl I took a liking to, she was cute, intelligent and had a great sense of humor. The first time we went out, she told me she was divorced and gave me a little insight into her life. A week later, she told me she needed to be “honest” with me and announced that she was separated, not divorced. A short time later, she told me she was not exactly separated, they were still living together to “share expenses.” I cut my losses at that point and found out a few weeks later they were expecting their second child. Fortunately, I had never laid a hand on this girl.


RULE 2 – MUST HAVE A JOB


Just suffice to say I have had enough experience dealing with good-for-nothing, worthless, jobless, hopeless, penniless pieces of garbage. Period. If you can’t support yourself, you need to find a way to start doing so, not expect some guy to do it. Especially if you’re toting around numerous children. That’s trashy. No decent man is going to walk into that kind of a situation. At least not knowingly.

RULE 3 – MUST HAVE A CAR

See rule 2. I see relationships as a 50/50 proposition. If you can’t come and see me as often as I come and see you, it’s suddenly a 75/25 proposition. And that doesn’t work for me. I also have no desire to run a taxi service. If I did, I’d be an Uber driver.

RULE 4 – NO CRAZY EX’S

If your ex is going to show up at the house with a gun, or follow me or threaten me, he’s just begging to get his ass kicked and I have no desire to be staring at assault charges. I am not taking hold until your ex has let go… and you have let go of your ex. In 2006 I met a beautiful woman who worked at a local hospital.  One day, her ex-husband showed up at the hospital and proceeded to bust the windows out of her car.  That’s not going to work for me.  My ex’s are left in the past, where they belong. I do my best to completely forget I ever dealt with any of them. If you’re still hung up on yours, then you need to get over it, or you guys need to work things out and get back together. Just keep me out of it.

RULE 5 – NO MULTIPLE BABY DADDY’S

If you’re in your 30’s and have more than two kids with more than two guys, you are not relationship material, you are community property. No man wants to introduce a woman like that to his friends. Especially if her reputation proceeds her. No man wants to get laughed at because his woman has been everybody’s woman. I am not making any open-ended judgments here, just keep that away from me.  I am not going to date a woman I am ashamed of being with.  That’s absolutely ludicrous.

RULE 6 – MUST BE LOCAL

I’m not doing long distance. Period. It’s not even up for debate. If you don’t live within a reasonable distance, don’t even flirt with me. If it takes an hour or more to get to your house, I see no reason to even give that a consideration. I’m too needy. If I am in a relationship, I expect to actually SEE my woman. Regularly. Not once a month or even once a week. You can’t get to know someone well enough barely seeing them to know if the relationship can go forward. Long distance does NOT work.

RULE 7 – MUST PASS MY BACKGROUND CHECK

If there is a chance we are going to start seeing each other, I’m going to do some investigating. No one wants to go into a situation completely blind, and I always like to see what someone’s reputation is like on the street. Admittedly, I have found out that people don’t always like to tell the truth until it’s too late, but I’m still going to see what your reputation is like. No one wants to date the Whore Of Babylon.

RULE 8 – MUST BE CLEAN

This covers a multitude of areas. No STD’s. No arrest record. No drug use. Must bathe. Must keep your house clean. I’ve had enough dealings with trash to last me a lifetime and I don’t want to deal with it any longer. And I never will again. So if you can’t keep yourself and your home clean, and you can’t stay out of jail or off drugs, piss off. I’m too many levels above you and it’s not going to work out. Find someone who is more on your level. The jails are full of meth-heads you should hit it off with.

RULE 9 – YOU MUST ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM

I’m 41 years old and I’m not changing for anyone. I love watching baseball and smoking cigars and time spent by myself. I like to sleep in my own bed, alone or otherwise. I don’t use drugs and I don’t waste my life in bars. I’m a bit of a “geek” and proud of it. I’m not going to alter my life for a woman. I’d rather be alone and do what I enjoy than be with someone who can’t accept me for who I am. Non-negotiable.

In closing, if you are able to jump through all nine of those hoops and we have a mutual attraction and compatibility and you’re single in August 2019, then we’ve got a good foundation for a potential relationship. If you come up short in any way, then I wish you good luck in your future endeavors and hope you find someone more compatible with you, because I’m not. And at my age, I see no reason to settle for less than I deserve. I’ve spent far too much of my life settling when it comes to relationships.


Thank you for reading. God bless, and have a great day.

“Do I look pretty?” … and other stupid questions women ask, and shouldn’t…

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I am going to rant about something that has been grinding on me for well over a decade.

Are you required to compliment your significant other, regardless of the truth? This goes back to the old “do these jeans make me look fat?” joke of years’ past. But I want to dig a little deeper than that. I want to look at this situation deeply, from the inside.

Everyone who knows me knows that I am straight-up honest. If I find a woman to be attractive, I tell her. Not in a condescending way, but truthfully. If I don’t find a woman to be attractive, I don’t tell her. There’s no sense in lying to someone about something like that. Especially since beauty is only skin-deep. I think it’s best to just be honest.

From 2006 to 2009, I would argue with a significant other on a regular basis about the fact that she had to, as she said “beg for compliments.” I think that speaks for itself.

The truth of the matter is, I did not find this woman attractive and felt no need to lie to her face in order to make her feel like I did, even when both of us would have known I was not being honest. She was 305 pounds when we met and could barely fit through the door.  I felt it best to keep my mouth shut. My options were to lie, or to change the subject, or to try to angle my way out of it, i.e. “you have a great sense of humor” which would have been so transparent any idiot could have figured it out.

So, what is proper protocol here? Do you just go ahead and say “you look absolutely marvelous?” when you are about to throw up in your mouth a little bit? Do you tell the truth and say “you know, I have never really found you to be all that attractive and honestly, I have seen elephants that were smaller than you.” Or do you respond with “I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that may answer may tend to make you want to split my skull open with an ax?” Is there really a correct answer here at all?

Personally, I kept my mouth shut. All that did was lead to arguments, which would probably be the universal response from women, ugly or not. So if a woman knows a man is not attracted to her, what is the point in even asking him to give an opinion?

Earlier this summer, I went out with a woman who I was absolutely captivated by. And I was very vocal about how beautiful I thought she was. If I say it of my own volition, is that more meaningful than if I have to be coerced into saying it when I don’t mean it?

I think the bigger question might be why I date women I am so attracted to but only get into relationships with women that make my colon clench and make me nauseated.

Maybe there is no “correct” answer to a conundrum like this… And I can live with that…